I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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