Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
