you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
