I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
