the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
