I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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