I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
