and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
