If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
