What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
