Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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