If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
