There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
