I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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