I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
