so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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