yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had to cum in my sink.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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