one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
