just tell him i said nine months
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
