I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
