I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
