you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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