cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
