We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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