I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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