i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
