tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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