You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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