Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
