I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
