I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
