I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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