Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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