playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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