why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
