Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
