There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize