she was so not down for the gang bang
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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