Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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