I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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