Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My bed smells like the plague
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
