If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
