No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
