I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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