My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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