imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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