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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
