Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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