why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
should my penis look like a turkey
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
