When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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