i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
