just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
