I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
