Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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