I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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