my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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