This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize