So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
