It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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