sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
