Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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