i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
