Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
