hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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