it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
