Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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