anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im on a boat
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