I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
