Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So much Jack, so little girl.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
