How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
