I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
