All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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