Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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