You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
