It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
