I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
