it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish my penis had a tongue
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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