Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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