my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
