I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
