Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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