oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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