Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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