you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
