i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
